My home

Home, my home is where daddy, mummy are, where kor kor and Anne are. Wherever we are, once we are together, that's my home.

It is very very important to me.

Remember when i was in Form 2, my best friend told me every night she will kiss her mummy good night. She hugs her mummy often. I was shocked, because hugging and kissing weren't the way my family shows love and care. We usually talk loud and scold each other, but with the best interest in each other's wellbeing. I went home that day, innocently, and asked my mummy, "How come you never hug and kiss us?" Mummy says, if u want to, i will. Then.... mummy's birthday came... we and daddy gave her a surprise, flowers and cake. She was overjoyed and there she gave me a kiss on my cheek. Oops, i felt weird, and right then i decided, bad idea to talk about kissing in this family. It's not us. So, never was it mentioned again....

Joshua knows how much i love and care for my mummy.. i usually show it through acts of kindness and quality time. Never used physical touch. I look quite tough on the outside, but fragile in the inside, totally. He has been encouraging me to give my mummy casual hugs when i say hi and bye.... Well, i am not sure whether this is a good idea....

I will be flying off to UK at 2am. Mummy just helped me with last minute packing, doing things her way. Giving valuable ideas what to bring, how to arrange.... I really miss my mummy.. miss doing things together. We are really alike. =) I am only going to be away for 24 days, not that long. And i am going to bring Anne home with me. It should be a joyful thing. But the feelings of sadness, came right into my heart like big waves. I can't explain why.

Mummy was going home to Muar with my kor kor, and then i recalled, during our primary school days, whenever we are on school holidays. Daddy mummy will send us to Subang Jaya, to spend time with grandpa and grandma, this house i am now staying in. They drove us up, had dinner.. and then drove home again.. I literally remember standing at the gate, watching the car driven by daddy... until it went out of my sight... and as a kid, i cried secretly under my bedsheet when i go to sleep. I miss my daddy mummy.

Of course i am much matured and stronger now. I went through all that again. Watching the car driven by kor kor, until out of sight.. bye bye.. yeap. But one thing different this time, before my mummy went into the car, i hugged her and gave her a kiss on the cheek, just like how she did to me during her birthday surprise. I really hope i can say "Mummy, i love you." but i already felt tears forming in my eyes. I switched to my normal mode, asking her to drink less coffee and get herself more rest. It was dark out there, 9pm.. with only the street lights, it was still obvious that my eyes are watery. Yeah.. as weak as i am, i cried like a baby again. I think she has tears in her eyes too. =) I hope she is proud of me. Her 25 year-old daughter.

Life is short. How often can we tell the ones we really loved, that we really do care for them? God, i want to do it. I want to do this right.

Life on earth is short. But what we have in heaven, is eternity. I know that my daddy is there, enjoying his eternal life with Jesus, and cheering us on. "Come on! Come on! Live your lives right!" I was saved 5 years after daddy left us, and then Anne. We found the answer to LIFE and we got our passport to heaven that never expires. Amen. Now... God, just 2 more, please. My mum and brother.. just 2 more hearts to win, you win all the NGs. Please God, don't pass us by.. just 2 more. Let us all spend the eternity with You in heaven. Amen.

In life, we always face separations.. and they're not easy.. how did i do it the last time? When kor kor left for UK? When i left for Australia? When i come to KL, and everytime sees her drive back to Muar herself? When Anne go to UK? Conclusion, i will never allow myself to go anywhere that is further away from HOME, than where i am currently at now.