Basic

I can't remember when was the last time warm tears uncontrollably roll down my cheeks.. during worship in church..
I have been busy, rushing here and there.. church, work, family..
In these, i might have lose focus, forgot the basic..
This morning, serving on choir on stage, tears... just roll down..
"You're all i need, you're all i seek, it's you that i'm thirsting for...
It's you i seek, on bended knees, it's you that i'm longing for...
I want to worship you only, in spirit and in truth...
............."
Touched, i was touched.. by Jesus.
I was brought back to Brisbane, Hope Church in UQ's lecture hall, the baby christian.. lifting up both hands, singing, praying and crying at the same time.. It's the touch, the same touch, the same God.
That time, i knew.. my journey is not going to be easy.. Someone told me, Christian life is not a bed of roses. There will be challenges and so be prepared for some intensive trainings.
Here i am now.. stretched.
I failed my BSL exam.
Persecutions from brother and mummy.
Worrying over sister's acedemic performance.
Scratching head to complete my work.
I knew i have to trust Him, i knew he has his purpose for all that has happened.. i knew.. but it is hard to convince my heart, not to ache, it is hard to convince my feelings, not to be depressed.
Lately it is hard for me to smile.. there are so much thoughts running in my mind..
Then again, where is the pure joy i once had? Even during times of trials, the pure joy?
God, allow me to come back to basic, where there is only me and you.
Let me see things through your eyes
Let my heartbeat be your heartbeat
Let my focus be on you, my creator, my saviour, my love.
That when i lift up my head, i see hope.. and that my problem becomes nothing.
And let the edge of my lips be lifted.. let me smile..