I get zero, but why?

He knows very well what i want... but to this day, He is not giving to me. Why?
It is so easy for Him to just give it to me, no big deal, not like it is a huge thing. It won't cost Him too much effort, won't do anyone any bad, won't need any other people to sacrifice, the outcome will only be me smiling more. But why.....???
Why the harder i try, the more hope i put in, the more disappointment i get in return? When i thought, alright, this is it, maybe this is where i might get it. But haha.. NO. Am i not good enough? Do i not possess the quality? What else can i do to deserve it? I tried, tried hard, tried bad.. but still, zero results. And i see others, they don't even need to think about it, they get it. What do they have that i yet to have?
He knows it well, so well.. He knows He is holding this back from me.. but why.. God you must speak nowwww... it has been too long.. i'm miserable. I've waited for an answer for too long.. and please.. speak to me. What do u want me to learn? What do i have to do to be able to be there? I beg you.. my king.. my lord.. my creator.. Please speak..