The Umbilical Cord

One of the points that Pastor Kenneth shared with both of us on 7th July 2011 was that, we each have 2 umbilical cords. One is physical and one is spiritual. The physical one of course was cut after our birth. :) The spiritual one.. need to be cut when we get married. Pastor Sandra shared at our wedding ceremony, when 2 people get married, there needs to be leaving i.e. leaving our own family.. and cleaving to each other. Pastor Kenneth said one sentence that I remember until now, he said.. when you cut the umbilical cord, it is painful. If you're feeling stretched, you're feeling the pain, it is very normal, but you'll get through it. :)

On 8th July (Friday) night, just before I sleep I realised, after this, I won't just be someone's daughter and sister, but WIFE. I will be going home with my husband, not going home to my own family. That striked me hard. I got up from my bed, went downstairs (my brother just arrived from Muar, he was very late and they were all having supper - mum's red wine chicken mee sua);
(I had the same as dinner)

mum was doing some dishes in kitchen, I hugged her from behind. :) I love her, but I need to "leave" very soon.

I went back up to my bedroom, lied down and started praying to God, and reviewing the DAY.
Honestly, I didn't have a good day at all. Morning, Anne and mum came back from the wet market and was going to cook a good lunch but then my aunties made surprise visit and spoiled our plan. They stayed to talk to my mum non-stop until 3pm! Anne and I had to cook simple lunch and eat quietly at the dining table. I made eye contact with mum with an angry face, hinting to her that "please ask them to go home we need to get ready for my wedding!" but she couldn't say "No" to her sisters. Anne and I went to get our nails done and finally got home around 3.30pm. Mum had put up red cloth at the door, red stickers that signifies that there's a wedding going on in this family and a lot of cleaning in the house. After dinner, Anne and I went to cash deposit some money blessed by my relatives and then went to Carefour to buy drinks, buns and sushis for next morning's breakfast. We came home, watched Nanny 911 and went to sleep. :)

When I entered the house after we got our nails done, we realised we left Anne's phone in the nail parlour while mum was asking me to show her my nails. I didn't speak very nicely to her... :( I was impatient with her, and said "this is not the time, we left Anne's phone and we need to go get it now mummy." When I recalled that, I asked myself : why can't I just show her my nails first.. and then we go to get Anne's phone? Why was I so impatient? I regret behaving like that on my last day being single... I cried.. I tried very hard not to cry too much but I couldn't control it. Anne caught me crying when she came up, I told her and then my brother also came and asked. I said "I realised I've lived my day in anger and frustration, and I hope I could live today again because I don't want to end my single life this way. I was a little rude and impatient to mummy today." Mum heard and said "Were you rude to me? No, I don't realise at all?" It doesn't matter whether my behaviour hurt my mum, it hurt me... it was me who needed healing. :) Anyway.. I wiped my tears off and prayed that I won't have swollen eyes the next day.. I said good night to all of them and went back to sleep. :)

That was the pain I guess?

On 10th July (Sunday) noon, after attending church service and had lunch with Joshua's family, we went to the SS15 house to do some packing. My mission was to transform the house back to normal so that Anne don't have to do much and could get back to her studies asap, as her exam was just 2 weeks away. Before that I had a phone conversation with mum, they were back in Muar. Just as I was packing, I felt the pain again and cried. First, I felt that Joshua's family wasn't friendly to my family, I don't see the effort to get along. I am protective over my mum so that was really painful. Second, when I was arranging things in the house, it striked me again that I won't be living in this house anymore. Most of my things were shifted out.. and things are never going to be the same.

Pain? Definitely.

I would still be around, I would still go back to my mum and my family but my priority has changed. My new family i.e. my husband has to come before my family.. it's not at all easy but I'm learning.. and I know that God who's ever faithful has His reasons and plans. :)

Leaving... and cleaving... :)